just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
