Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
