What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
