what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I deserve this hangover.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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