the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
