The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
