she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
