what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
