last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
