she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When are your genitals available?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
