dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
