She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
