Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
