Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
