I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
