Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
