Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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