There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
