Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
