i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
