I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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