I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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