I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I will pee on everything he values.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
