Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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