why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
