I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
