I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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