I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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