If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
