I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
