I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
BRING THE BAGELS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
