Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
