i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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