We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
