yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
