no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
