The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
