i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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