Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
