that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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