i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
COCAINE IS GR8
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
