He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
