The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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