Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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