are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
someone owes me an orgasm
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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