Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
