im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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