Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
