no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
