This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
