I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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