Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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