I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
