Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
