i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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