Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
